what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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