don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
