I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
