Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need to sanitize my soul.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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