glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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