I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
