I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
