Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's shark week go big or go home
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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