he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
