Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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