Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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