he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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