I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
