$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
