so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
