My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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