so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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