I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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