My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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