I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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