He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
