i would punch a child for taco bell
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize