I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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