I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Floor bacon is actually really good
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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