I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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