My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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