you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
