shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
