just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
