i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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