bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
