He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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