i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
