paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
