You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
