Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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