I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize