And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
