I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
