I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize