I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
