Don't make out with my wife yet
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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