I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
