I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
