Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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