UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
