I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
