she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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