shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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