he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
