I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
