she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
