Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
someone get that fucking seahorse.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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