no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
