So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
