Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
