You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
