I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
