I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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