I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
