Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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