I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We left an ass print on the piano.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
