There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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