Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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