You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
