Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
