Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
im on a boat
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