this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
