only if we run a train.
done.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
