We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize