im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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