We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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