We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Randomize