I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm like, not good at living.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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