Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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