They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
