I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
