so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My hand turned me down
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
