if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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