Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
