Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
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