She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize