I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
