Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
