I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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