We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize