she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i came on her dog
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
