me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
