my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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