Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
More tranny stories later!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
