At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
