Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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