Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize