I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
