I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
