Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
