We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
