We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I deserve this hangover.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
